What Does The Bible Say About Learning To Say No

How to Say No in the Right Style

Ruth Soukup
2019 4 Jan

Learning to Say No

No. Why is it that one of the most mutual words in the English language is so difficult to say? I can't speak for anyone else, only for me, in that location are lots of reasons I have a hard fourth dimension with that one uncomplicated word. I get caught off baby-sit. I want to please people. I don't want to be mean or unhelpful. I don't want to burn a bridge or miss an opportunity or miss out on something fun. I don't want people to exist mad or upset with me or to speak poorly of me. And so, time and time again, I say yes when I shouldn't.Often at the expense of something else.

I forget that saying yes too many times makes me feel overwhelmed and stressed-out. It causes me to neglect the rest of the things in my life that I actuallyshouldbe doing andcouldbe doing if I had only said no. Fifty-fifty worse, it makes me resentful of the asker and makes me feel underappreciated and overcommitted.

In my ain life, I take found that I accept to stay very conscious of what happens when Idon'tsay no, and even then, it is hard. Just I am learning, slowly, that in order to becomeadeptat saying no, I have to arm myself with a scattering of tools that will assist me say no without feeling bad and without upsetting the person doing the asking. They are certainly not foolproof, and I certainly haven't mastered them yet, merely these five guidelines might merely assistance you too.

1. Start and cease with a positive.Soften the blow of saying no past including a few positive statements before and after the wordno. These positive phrases can help have the focus off the negative and act similar a cushion to the one word nosotros have such a hard time using.

Here's how it works. Begin with a compliment: "That sounds wonderful!" Or, "What a great thought!"

Gently say no: "I'd absolutely dear to do this, but I can't right now."

Cease with a positive: "I'm so honored you would ask. I know it will exist great!"

Sometimes we get so caught up in not wanting to disappoint someone that we forget how powerful an effective delivery can be in any situation, but especially when we are giving bad news. Beingness prepared and positive (but firm) can profoundly increment the chances of our audience reacting positively as well.

ii. Don't reply correct away.Earlier answering a request, allow the asker know you will go dorsum to them. Information technology is perfectly okay to say, "I will take to check my schedule," or, "I have to think about it," or, "I need to talk with my spouse" before giving a final answer.

Waiting to give an answer is probably the easiest way to brainstorm your journeying to finer using the discussionno. For me, particularly in the blogging and business earth, information technology is the response I almost commonly use. Pausing before answering allows me to gain a moment of clarity, to bounce the request off a few people to get their thoughts and opinions about the situation, and sometimes even to notice someone else who is interested. Everybody wins!

3. Change the channel.When the asker is very assertive, aggressive, or proficient at making you feel guilty, information technology tin can be very difficult to say no in person. In these cases, try irresolute the channel. Ask for time to give a response and so respond to an in-person or telephone request through a nonconfrontational channel of communication, such equally an email or a text bulletin. Having a firm no in writing without having a exact chat helps you avoid the trap of back-and-along convincing, especially when the person who is doing the request is much more forceful or persuasive than you are. Information technology is also much easier to typenothan say information technology!

4. Refer a friend.When yous are asked to exercise something you are not interested in doing or don't have enough time to practice, it can be much easier to say no by referring someone else who might do the job even improve. Most of us know at least ane or 2 people who similar to say yes to everything or who dear being involved or who are looking to plug in somewhere else.

By providing a name of someone else who may be interested, you tin get from being the person who says no to the person who helped. There'south a large deviation between the two, and the latter is one both parties can experience not bad about. Instead of obligating yourself, drop a name and walk away feeling helpful.

5. Permit someone else do the muddy work.If you lot are really struggling with saying no and setting limits, it is entirely appropriate and helpful to enlist the aid of others—peradventure a spouse, a shut friend, a coworker, or a sis—to abet on your behalf. Is it cheating to not practice information technology yourself? Mayhap, but non always. A mediator can say no for you, explaining that while you lot really want to say yeah, correct at present there is just no style you tin can make information technology work. A friend or spouse might be able to convey simply how bad yous feel, with fewer hurt feelings on either cease.

In the end, a simple, directnois usually the most effective. It eliminates the expectation of any other possible outcome and quickly frees upward both the person request and the person answering. It allows you to bank check off the detail on your mental list instead of wasting additional thought on it. Even the Bible advocates a direct approach. Jesus, in Matthew v:37, says, "All you need to say is only 'Yep' or 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil i."

In other words, be quick. Be considerate. Be confident. Only say no.

Ruth Soukup is the author ofUnstuffed: Decluttering Your Dwelling house, Heed & Soul, theNew York Times best-selling author ofLiving Well, Spending Less, and the blogger behind the popular lifestyle web log, LivingWellSpendingLess.com .

Publication engagement: April 21, 2016